MY Journey to Modesty

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah,

As serious as the title sound, I'd like to state it clear here that I am STILL in this continuous journey. A journey I hope to reach the perfection which is ordered by The One and Only, Allah SWT :)

If you just knew me (My name is Sara, by the way!) or if you see me now, I WAS different. Different in so many ways, physically (But still the same size!). I used to see the pleasure of wearing short pants and skirts. Short sleeved tops. As much as I wore it to 'please' the people around me, I convinced myself that it was comfortable. "Malaysia is a hot country, I'll be sweating like crazy". So, I was feeling 'comfy' with what I was wearing. Many Malaysians are worried about getting dark or tan due to the exposure of the skin to the sun. Na'ah, not me. I was 'enjoying' the all-year summer that we are having in Malaysia. 

Hijabs? Of course I did't have one on my head. This is where I had applied 'less is more' in the wrong context. 

Back then, Mama always said the same words over and over again. 
"Mama tengok anak orang lain dari kecil dah pkai tudung. Malu bila orang tengok anak Mama tak pakai". 

I was no different than anyone out there, I was the norm. I still am. I never hated the idea of hijabs and covering up. I was raised with enough knowledge about the religion to know what is right and what is wrong. And I KNEW that what I was wearing is not the right thing. I KNEW that as a Muslim girl, I am supposed to cover up myself except for the face and the bottom and top of my palm. I KNEW that if I expose my hair to those others than my mahram, my hair will be on fire in Hell.

Back then, my answer was simple. Short (and sweet? Not anymore!) : 
"I am not ready, but one day I will".
"One day, one fine day".
When is it exactly?
"Emm, probably when I start working".

I had my hijabs on when I was in school. But my hijab was... Not on my head anymore when I am out of the school compound. Was I wearing the hijab because it was a school rule? Yes. 

My story with hijab, is a very long story. A tudung has been on and off my head for so many times that I myself can't remember. Sometimes, I feel the urge to cover my head, so I did. And the next thing you know, I refused to wear it anymore, and I was giving myself all the 'valid' excuses again and again. I was complaining about the weather, how my glasses won't look good with the hijabs and the list goes on. 

This will be a very long post. I am only writing about how I slowly accepting hijabs and modesty. 

Bright colours; Blue, yellow, red, green, white. All the powerful colours, they were my favourite. I love (I still do,) to wear bright and powerful colours. My top can be red and my pants were blue. Black? Na'ah. Black is sadness. Black is insecurity. That was how my mind worked. My mind was corrupted by disgraceful thoughts. May Allah guide you and me to the real teachings of Islam.

How it all started?

It didn't happened overnight. As I have written above, my hijab was an on-off thing. Some days, I feel like covering up my head and I will. The next day, I feel like going to the movies with my friends and I forgot to put on my hijab. It went that way for so many years (Yup, it was LONG).

Friends and family were curious about my REAL identity. They didn't know which Sara is the real Sara. A friend even told me that he knew that I was searching for something. The truth is, I was searching for the real me. He was not wrong and I thank him for being honest an honest friend. That was in... 2010 I think. 

A fashion victim? 
 "Fashion victim? I am a fashion setter".  Another corrupted though of mine. Some days I was wearing my hijab because it is trendy. "You can do so much with your hijab. Twist here, pin here, wrap here." And as I wanted to do what was been told to do by Allah, I was a FASHION VICTIM.

"If I wearing my hijab to please people which is forbidden in Islam (because we are to please and serve only God), then might as well I just wear my usual shorts and baby Ts because I was not doing it for anyone else. I was doing it BECAUSE I AM ENJOYING THE 365-DAY SUMMER. Right?"

I wore hijab because it was a rule of the school. Because Mama wants me to. I was wearing the hijab because it was the rule at school and because of Mama. And sometimes I will be wearing it because it is what we are told to do. Semi-honesty? 
Early this year, my hijab was still on and off. Depending on who I was with and what occasion it was. If it was a family gathering gathering: Hijab ON. Hanging out with friends while drinking coffee and chit-chatting (well, gossipping): Hijab OFF. BUT as time passes by, with Allah's Will, I started to feel "naked" without my hijab on. Not me being naked, but my head. From family gatherings, I started to wear them to class. I was in a new class with new classmates so I thought it was the right time to make small changes. So, I promised myself not to EVER go to class without my hijab on. And Alhamdulillah, I am still keeping my promise. 

When I go out to have lunch or dinner with my classmates, it didn't feel right to suddenly go out with them without my hijab on because they are used to seeing me with my tudung. So, I covered my head. 

Baby steps. It is VERY slow, but it is effective to me. 

It is very common to see a Muslim girl with her tudung but wearing a short sleeved Tshirt. I was included (was? InshaAllah, never again). It's not something funny because we see it everyday in Malaysia. Again, slowly, my short sleeves were getting longer but not long enough to cover my arms to my wrist (3/4 sleeves lah!). 

Fitted shirts and jeans were getting looser (NOT BECAUSE I AM LOSING WEIGHT! *angry*), but because I AM READY. 

At first, I was only covering up my head, I was not covering my chest. And gradually (and recently), I am learning to cover my chest and my shoulders.I promise myself not to 'selempang' my tudungs to my shoulders ever again, inshaAllah. 

In the year to come, I am promising myself to cover my feet and toes as well. Why? Because Allah said so. And I promise myself not to ever wear jeans again. 

This is my promise not only to myself, but to Allah. With His Will and Mercy. 

To my sisters out there who are wondering how to start to wear hijabs and dress modestly, all I can say that IT IS A PROCESS. A process means that YOU HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE! I believe that I started from having an INTENTION in my heart. And you need to MAKE IT WORK. Push yourself, slowly. InshaAllah, you are making a better you :) 

How do I feel now?
People are smiling at me more than before. People are giving Salams to me on the streets (ladies lah,). Men respect me more. YOU DON'T REALISE THIS UNTIL YOU EXPERIENCE IT. You may not agree with me, but my guy friends no longer dare to put their hands on me shoulder or patting me on the back. Not just men, but the people around me. Friends don't simply curse and swear while talking to me, because it's inappropriate. And I myself, am more aware of whatever that is coming out of my mouth and my own actions. It doesn't feel right to swear or shout when you're in modesty (Oh boy, I was a swearing machine). It doesn't feel right to be sitting around with a group of boys and me being the only girl in the circle. 

And I know, I can never have done this alone. I pray for all the people, family and friends who made duaa to Allah for me. For me to be a better me. I know Mama must have been praying to Allah to soften my heart to accept hijab in my daily life. I know my sister have been making duaa for me. And I can never thank you all enough for what you have made for me. All I can do is make prayers for them too. Jazakallah Khair!

And to all my sisters out there (if anyone is even reading this), I pray to Allah to help you and me to continue pushing ourselves to be the ideal Muslimah. May Allah grant our wishes. InshaAllah. Amin.



HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!! :)))))))))

Assalamualaikum :)


My to-do-list for the holidays! 
*Cuti 3 minggu je*

This is my new room :) 

Well,that is it for now :)

Byebye CAT :3

Asssalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh :)

Convocation was on 1st December, 2012! 
Excited? A little. 
Alhamdulillah, first step done.
*lama lagi*

The initial plan was to go alone since Mum had work to do. But she managed to make it to the event with little brother :) 
And it turned out that Ebi was performing for the event! :) 

Some friends and even family members were upset that I chose to stay silent about the whole convo thing. The only reason is because it was not my main graduation, it was only the start :) As graduating 'foundations' at the age of 23, is... not something you would like to share with the whole world. 

* I write it here bcos ppl barely open my blog until it's yesterdays' news :P*



November '12

I am slow.
Friends have already graduated a few times. 
But, this is my first. 

Bye-bye CAT.
Purr, meow.  
Hello ACCA




I have been missing from Blogger for quite some time and I am sorry (ceceh,). I was reading a friend's blog and suddenly the urge to write came in a split second. I might as well start writing now, before this feeling runs off again :p

I was reading through my own blog right before I was writing this. At first, I thought of deleting this blog and start a new one, AGAIN. But on second thought, I decided to just delete whatever posts that were inappropriate and continuing with this one :) 

As you may (or may not) know, I changed. InshaAllah, I am striving to be the a lady with passion towards my religion :) I am still fighting everyday, and will always be as long as I live. IF you are reading this post, all I can ask for is to pray and make doa for me for Allah to forgive me and help me become who I am supposed to be.

As much as I desire to change, I am still ME :)

  • I finished my CAT, alhamdulillah :)
  • Now pursuing with ACCA and with God's will I will finish by the end of 2014
  • I'm still in my old room in UiTM (surprisingly!)
  • I still spend a lot of time on the computer
From now, I hope to share more thoughts with everybody, especially thoughts and sharing on Islam and the best way of life, inshaAllah. And with His will, if He lets me I hope to share my own journey to be a better Muslimah (stories I have never spoken before, if I am ready!)

I was never this happy and calm. I guess my rebellious 'phase of life' is over. 
Shawal; The loves of my life.

We do it the '5days of MC' style B)

Baby brother.

Oh, and I've gained weight, A LOT.



I have a new pre-order blogshop!

Style By Juliet

Choose anything from FOREVER21.com and email us your favourite style! 
We will quote you the price and order them straight from United States! 

Why shop with Style By Juliet?
1: We'll do the messy work for you while you sit back and wait for the packages to arrive to you.
2: At the moment, we are giving FREE DOMESTIC POSTAGE to all over Malaysia. Yup, Sabah and Sarawak are included as well :)
3: I can promise you that all prices are WAY LOWER than the very same items at the stores! Trust us, we went to the shop and made comparisons!

So, please look us through on: 


New Semesterrr!

This will be a very short update!

Holidays are finally over and I am now in a brand new semester, final semester for CAT. Insya Allah. I'm back in Shah Alam and tidied up my room from all the nasty habuk and dirt everywhere! I registered at the faculty yesterday and thank God everything went well. The head of program told me to keep doing what I am doing and score the last two papers, that lifted up my confidence in some ways. I promised myself to stay focus this semester as last semester was a total disaster, which resulted the dreadful exam results. Here I am, back in the game. With a new game face on :)

Game face yang tak berapa nak ketat.


Holiday Updates! Zoo Day.

Hello, how are you doing?

I have no idea if anybody is even reading this blog, but I just have the urge to just, write. Sorry I've been away for awhile, blame me and not others. It's just that, my passion to blogging comes and goes whenever it wants. Same goes to all my interests to other things; shopping (and blogshopping), drawing, cooking, dancing, singing. You name it.

I don't really feel like writing right now. You can see it from the awkward-ness of my sentences. But, f*ck it :) 

Last week, I went volunteering at Zoo Negara again. This time, I went with Danial, Mok, and my siblings; Sue and Amir. This was the most tiring day compared to my other two days. But, it was worth it. This time, I was assigned to clean up the giraffes' cages. Trust me, it was one hell of a smell. 


Takut, penakut.

Tak semua kau rancang akan berlaku
Mungkin nasib tak menyebelahi aku
Entah mengapa engkau yang aku cinta
Mungkin lebih baik kau ku lepas saja
Untuk engkau bertanya jika ku mencintaimu juga
Tidak adil, tidak adil baginya

Kau tak pernah cuba memahami aku
Cinta kau ucap tak pernah engkau tunjuk
Dan bila saat ku kehilangan
Beban yang tak pernah cuba kau ringankan

Kau bukan milikku
Dan aku memang penakut
Mengakui cinta kepadamu
Seribu kali ku cuba ucapkan
Bila bersamamu
Kau bukan milikku
Dan engkau pun tahu
Kau bukan milikku

It's time.


It's not easy.

It's not easy at all.
But I am taking a step at a time. 
And I know I have to keep myself together. 
Don't worry, 
I am good. 
Very good. 


  1. I am on a short 20 break for 20 days. 
  2. I need a getaway.


What I did during study week

It was CNY break, 
and my baby brother was not feeling very well. He was down with a vert bad fever. And a few days later, he was admitted to the hospital, suspected to have dengue. Since I was having my study week (meaning that I have no classes), I volunteered to babysit him at the hospital. We spent.... 4-5 days at DEMC. This is a short post, just wanna share some snaps of me poking my little brother during our stay at the hospital :3

Daddy came by, makan kena suap

The end.

My plans for my 20days of holidays

I will be having a 20 days of free days starting tomorrow, after my last paper. Instead of studying, here I am making this list of things I would love to do + things I have to do during the 20 days. (And things I should not do).

Things I have to do:
Ready all stuffs for next semester;
Pens, etc. 
(Just make sure everything is ready)
Exercise and work out;
(It's the only time I actually have to get back in 'shape')
And perhaps some gym sessions with Mokmok
Develop my plans for me Project XX 
aka more cash inwards
Eat sayur and buah a lot. 
In order to lose a few pounds 
which I have gained during these few months.

Things I would love to do:
Go kayak with family 
(Or just little brother)
Basically, spend more time with family;
A short getaway (?)
I really hope so,
But I'm not putting high hopes on that 
Cook cook cook;
Spaghetti goreng :3

Things I SHOULDN'T be doing:
I am in a state where I can't spend at all.
I need to pay for the bloody phone bill. 
Eat more than one meal a day. 
(eg: Eat spaghetti goreng one time a day)


A start of something new.

Everything happens for a very special reason. I will always believe that God has better plans for us, you and me and everyone. This time, I choose to stand tall. I choose to look at the brightest sides of things. I may lose someone, but I still have a bunch of beings who still love me for who I am. My family and friends. And most of all, I appreciate myself for everything I do and I am not gonna let myself down. I also choose to keep myself busy, mostly to improve myself; physically, mentally, cash flows (inwards, I hope), and relationships with God and the closest ones. And not forgetting, my studies. More over, I choose to not blame anyone for what has happened. Not even myself. Maybe it's not the best way to look at things, but that's what I chose to do and see things. I am not gonna let this distract me from my days and never affect my future, insya Allah. I choose to look at things in the future, than looking back at the past like what I've been doing all these while. It's not bringing me anywhere. But, everything sure left a scar or two on my life. But nothing that I regret. I am not a saint, but I hope its not too late for me to try be the best being I can be. 

I'm having my final paper for the semester tomorrow. And then, I'll be having a 20days break of holidays which I wish not to waste em for nothing (like my previous holidays when I decided I would just lie down and watch TV, so not productive at all). And I promise myself, to blog more :) Just as reminders to myself. 

I'm okay. In fact, I'm stronger than I have ever been. I am positive I can walk tall even without having you by my side. 
See, told you I'm doing good.


This is my blog's QR code. 

Mesti awak jealous :)


Exam starts tomorrow!

I need all the luck I can get :) 

Let's do this!


For those who read my tweets right now, you know that is an "ENTRI MENGUNDANG".

Rasa annoyed dan irritated dengan surroundings di mana saya akan dikatakan perasan bagus atau mulut jahat sekiranya saya bersuara atau melakukan sebarang tindakan. Jadi, saya tulis lah kat sini.


If you're living in a community (i.e living with other people in a same place, for instance in a COLLEGE HOSTEL) please please please please take a good care and be concern with your body smell. When you're already in colleges, you're supposed to be aware of this matter but not to SOME. Unlucky me, I am stuck with one who I refuse to let you know (but you may know from my tweets). 

When your body smell, people will hate you. You'll make people talk bad things about you behind your back. Or in my case, bad talks are happening in my mind right now. As i say people, I really mean EVERYBODY! Your friends, your family, random human beings walking beside you, strangers sitting beside you in the bus, Abang Koop, your lecturers, the toilet cleaners, and not forgetting your roommates. EVERYBODY. Even when your own body smells like a rotten egg, you'll hate the bad smell coming from other people around you; your family, your friends, random human being walking beside you. Don't make me repeat the same sentence again. 

Not to mention, even the religion and Prophet Muhammad SAW himself like and encourage us to smell good. Come on, it's not that hard. Right? You wouldn't wanna do your prayers with smelly armpits? 

Scrub your body while bathing. 
Wash and CHANGE your clothes as often as possible.
Trust me, deodorant helps.
Wear normal boring clothes, I mean cotton! 
Eliminate onions, garlic and curry and also spices from your daily food.
When I say hang, I mean hanging it with a hanger, at least. 
A hook is created for you to hang a hanger which is made for you to hang your towel. 
So, please don't skip the steps. 
Towel --> Hanger --> Hook
And please, don't fold your towel when it's still damp/wet.
(Even my little brother know that, me writing this makes myself look like an idiot)
Change your socks!
They sell cheap socks for good reasons, like so you can change them regularly.
Change your tudung! Or at least hang them so they don't smell.
And windows are invented and built for air ventilation purposes.

The basics. 
Urghh, come on. You made me to do this shi*. If you see me getting ready for class or how long I take to cover every inch of my body with Carrie Junior talc powder, THAT IS HOW MUCH I DON'T WANT MYSELF TO SMELL BAD. And that is just as much as I hate people with BO. Facing the reality that I am stuck with one everyday, makes it the biggest challenge from God to myself. 

That's why people say hygiene is very important. HYGIENE. 
I'm out of words, I'm too mad right now. 

Don't blame me if I spray air fresheners to your face. I don't talk to you, really means that I don't like you. 

GOD, PLEASE HELP ME. I'm suffocating.